Drive to eliminate homophobia in sports continues

Today is the International Day Against Homophobia and Transphobia and TSN.ca looks at the climate surrounding homophobia in the sports world, what's currently being done and what's ahead in the movement to eliminate it.

In the summer of 2000, Wade Davis attended Tennessee Titans camp as an undrafted rookie.

A cornerback out of Weber State in Colorado, he was a longshot to make Jeff Fisher’s squad, but job security wasn’t the only thing that he was struggling with at the time.

Davis was a closeted gay man trying to make a living in pro sports, a world where any deviation from a perceived norm, more often than not, is met with resistance, if not outright hostility.

Now 37 and long retired, Davis is the executive director of You Can Play, an organization committed to the elimination of homophobia in sports. Davis, who came out publicly in 2012, recently explained the difference between that kid trying to crack an NFL roster spot 15 years ago and the man he is now.

“The biggest difference is, he’s moving towards a space where he’s happy to be gay,” Davis said. “I’m doing the work to unlearn the internalized homophobia I grew up with.

“The Wade sitting in front of you now cares a lot more about people. I wake up in the morning thinking about what in the world I can do to help others unlearn racism, homophobia, sexism – all these stupid things that we have to grow up with.”

For Davis, part of his battle is to reverse the beliefs and behaviours that are so ingrained in some people that they’re not even sure where they started.

Following his retirement from the NBA, former Orlando Magic and Utah Jazz centre John Amaechi revealed that he was gay. When asked about Amaechi’s revelation, Golden State Warriors legend Tim Hardaway went on a radio show and expressed disgust.

"I hate gay people, so I let it be known,” Hardaway said in 2007. “I don't like gay people and I don't like to be around gay people. I am homophobic."

Hardaway has since recanted his stance and apologized for his words, but it’s just one example of the kind of enmity that a gay athlete can face in the sports world and why it’s no surprise as to the reason why many gay athletes choose to conceal their sexualities until their playing days are over or even longer.

But for Hardaway and many like him, it could be that their homophobia is based in ignorance and fear of the unknown.  It doesn’t excuse these views or behaviour, but it helps to explain them.

“Being an athlete, you’re in a bubble,” Davis explained. “When I was playing Little League, I hung around with the same guys 24/7. It was the same thing in high school and the same thing in college and if no one is entering into that world who is LGBT, you base your knowledge on stereotypes.

“It’s why I think racism is such a problem in America because we don’t live amongst each other. If I hang around only with people who are black, I have to base my views on people who are white on stereotypes. I think the integration of America is really what’s lacking. I do believe that because we’re having the same-sex marriage conversation, it’s creating more people who are talking about these issues.”

Getting people talking is the first step in changing attitudes and now that the conversation has started, the time to put a spotlight on these issues is now.

Malcolm Ingram, a Toronto-based filmmaker and podcaster, isn’t an athlete or a sports fan, but saw Michael Sam coming out last year as a tipping point for visibility in the mainstream for gay athletes and it inspired him to create Out to Win, a documentary focusing on the lives of openly gay and lesbian athletes.

“The fuse that lit it all was when Michael Sam actually came out,” Ingram said of his film, which premiered at South by Southwest in March.  “It just seemed that the story was going to reach a scope. It just seemed like a really good time to tell it.

“I’m not a huge sports guy. I’m more of a movies/music guy. After he came out of the closet, I remember having conversations with people and I began to realize that potentially having an out NFL player was kind of the equivalent of gay marriage as being something of a very forward part of the movement. So right away, I felt I really kind of should go and film this.”

One of those people that Ingram profiled was Conner Mertens. A kicker at Willamette University in Oregon, a Division III school, he became the first active NCAA athlete to come out as bisexual in January of 2014. At the time, Mertens was a redshirt freshman heading into his first season of eligibility. He didn’t know how his coach would react and how it would affect his standing on the team. He was at his most vulnerable, but it was time.

“I just got done living my entire life in a small town where I was 100 per cent not allowed to be bisexual,” Mertens told TSN.ca. “I got to college and I definitely was just exhausted and it was a tired that you can’t sleep off.  I didn’t want to feel like that anymore. I knew it was all stemming from the fact that I was spending every minute of every day trying to suppress this side of me that was – obviously, it’s not a defining characteristic, but it was a part of me and a big part of my life."

“I was in an environment that I felt safe and I had met Wade and I had talked to Wade and it became the right time to do it. That’s such a hard thing to say because I don’t know if there’s such a thing as ‘the right time’ to do it, but it was the least bad time to do it. I just felt like I wanted to begin my college football career with my focus on football and football only and not have to drag along the baggage of being in the closet.”

Billy Bean spent his entire baseball career closeted. The now 51-year-old native of Santa Ana, California was an outfielder who spent six seasons with the Detroit Tigers, Los Angeles Dodgers and San Diego Padres in the late '80s and early '90s. He came out in 1999, years after his retirement.

Knowing what he knows about himself now - almost 30 years after his first spring training - Bean believes that it would have been easier for him as a pro had he had the support that’s available for young athletes today.

“I guess just knowing that it’s okay that every part of me belongs out there on that field and it would have made me a much, much better baseball player,” said Bean. “I was suppressing a part that I just didn’t want to face and I think if there was one thing I could do to change that it’s just know and that was taught by so many people in the LGBT community over the years, I finally stopped lying and I came out of the closet and started being around people that I could relate to in that way.

“And there’s a little regret with that, but it would sure be fun to go back and start over with that knowledge.”

One of the biggest stumbling blocks for young gay athletes is the pressure to live up the idealized version of what society posits them to be, all the while staying true to themselves. This is a struggle that not everybody is properly equipped to contend with.

“In the modern day, athletes are seen as gladiators - the pinnacle of masculinity,” Mertens explained. “They’re supposed epitomize everything that’s masculine, especially in a sport like football or baseball, where these are America’s pastimes and America’s pride and joys.

“We live in a society where being gay is seen as a weakness and, obviously, in sports, especially in sports that are so hyper-masculine, you don’t want your opponent to see any weakness. So it just became this interesting thing where I knew who I was on the inside – and a lot of people can attest to this same story – we knew who we were and it conflicted with what the athletic community and society as a whole told us we could be. And so when those clashed, we let the one thing take priority that would keep us safe and keep us – I can’t think of the right word - relevant in society, which was sport.”

Davis tries to address this disconnect in his work with young people.

“One of the hardest parts is this idea of performing masculinity or femininity,” he explains.  “So part of my work is [thinking about] how I can give kids the tools to help them love themselves, so that they can show up as their authentic selves - I actually don’t really like the word ‘authentic’ because I don’t really know what that means – and to just not be afraid to just be you.

“I like to sing Whitney Houston in the shower as loud as I can and be as girly as I can, but that’s also being manly, too. How do you have those discussions with kids? How can I show up as my very vulnerable self and hopefully help free somebody else? And how do you talk to athletes about how vulnerability is a strength?”

There is also the issue of those who stand by and just watch as acts of homophobia take place. And Davis tries to impress in young athletes that passivity in the face of homophobia is complicity and everybody - regardless of sexuality - needs to be on the same page to help eradicate it.

“I think what kids aren’t taught is that speaking up is an act of courage, even if it doesn’t involve you,” he explained. “Oftentimes, they’ll go, ‘He wasn’t talking to me’ or ‘That wasn’t my issue.’ If you’re a leader or if you have some empathy towards your fellow human being, then speaking up is a really beautiful act to actually do and then to learn how to find allies, because it can’t be the same kid every single time.

“That kid gets ostracized and it’s, ‘I don’t wanna hang around with him anymore because he’s going to tell us to stop saying the word ‘faggot.’’ But how can that kid learn how to get other people into his or her circle to just say, hey, this is not how we do it?”

Bean believes that revealing the human impact of homophobia effectively shines a light on the perils of passivity.

“In baseball for example, when you talk about a workplace code of conduct and it’s inclusive of anti-harassment, nondiscrimination based on your sexual orientation, it just invents the message of acceptance,” said Bean. “Then, you start talking with leadership and the opportunity or responsibility that goes with being a player at the top of their sport, I think you start to put that conversation in their minds."

“Then, with the beauty of something like [that is], you see great, great athletes that achieve absolute success on the tennis court, on the basketball court, on the baseball field, but then you open up that window and start to see that there’s a connection to the human side of athletes. My generation is different from now. We were told that you don’t talk about those things. You just go to the yard and you suit up and play. Now, they’re realizing because we get to know the players and athletes so much more than we did in the past that there’s a human side to everybody.”

With the younger set, casual homophobia remains an issue due to people simply not understanding the power of words. There might not be any offence meant when a slur is uttered in casual conversation, but these words always carry weight. There really isn’t anything casual about them.

“I like to use the idea of intent versus impact,” Davis said. “Your intent may not to be hurtful, but the impact on another individual – whether you’re talking to that person or not or that individual is in earshot – tells that person that this space isn’t safe for him or her, that this space is a place where that kind of language is allowed and the person who’s actually saying it doesn’t realize the impact that it may have on me. So you let kids know that, hey, your intent wasn’t to be a jerk, but the impact was on someone else, so can you just look at it from not your own lived experience, but from someone else’s?”

Even with a growing focus on education and changing attitudes, professional athletes revealing their sexualities isn’t happening en masse. Even with high-profiles athletes like Sam, Robbie Rogers, Abby Wambach and Brittney Griner out, other athletes have chosen not to follow suit and remain silent.

For Davis, this choice is entirely understandable.

“If any player comes out tomorrow, they become the face of this LGBT movement,” he said.  “That’s a lot of pressure on anyone. Again, I have to read feminist books [constantly] to be able to have these types of nuanced conversations.

“If you’re a regular guy or regular girl and now you’re forced into the public eye to become this spokesperson, it’s not fair. And also for an ally, allies are the same way. Most athletes aren’t taking women in gender studies classes. You’re just not, so to have these conversations is just not typical.”

It’s important for any athlete – or anybody, for that matter – to come out on his or her own terms. If somebody isn’t comfortable with themselves, how can they possibly be expected to represent anybody else? It’s a process that takes time and allows a level of self-security to be established.

“I’ve talked to certain players who aren’t out,” Davis related. “They will never come out while they’re playing because their identity is tied to being an NFL player. Once you say that you’re gay, you become a gay NFL player, so that modifier in itself – for a lack of a better word – is dangerous for certain players. You have players who come from certain parts of the country that may not be safe and who may have grown up with families who may say X,Y or Z. And also, speaking for myself, I wasn’t reading books, learning about what it meant to be gay.

“I didn’t have the cultural competency around learning how to love myself, learning how to embrace my gayness, for a lack of a better word. So do we expect these players to just come out tomorrow and say, ‘Hey, I’m gay’ and then put a microphone in front of their faces and ask: 'How does this work now?' I would have been the worst LGBT advocate had I come out in 2000. I didn’t even know what LGBT meant in those days. I definitely didn’t know what ‘trans’ meant or ‘bisexual’ or all of these different things. I just knew that I liked boys. I think players have to have their own journeys and move at their own pace and, like the league, sometimes it’s glacial.”

Still, Davis is encouraged by the response he’s gotten in the willingness to engage in the discussion.

“Our work is about how we create a conversation that’s asset-based, rather than deficit-based,” Davis explained. “So when we walk into a room, athletes know that we’re not there to point the finger at them. We’re actually there to have a conversation, to listen more than we actually talk. And what we’ve learned is that athletes really want to have this conversation. They actually want to argue with you about the religious aspect of it, but when you’re done and they feel hurt, they’re much more open and go, ‘Hey, I don’t care if this guy is gay, I just needed you to hear me.’ Because it’s not just about the gay athlete who’s coming into this space, it’s about, hey, we’ve been here for a long time, too, you didn’t really give a crap about our sexuality, so can you just hear us out for a sec?”

As the MLB’s first ‘Ambassador of Inclusion’ since last summer, Bean hopes that these kinds of conversations will become even more common and thinks that the MLB is at the vanguard when it comes to pro sports leagues in having them.

“I think baseball is leading the way and I’m very proud of them,” Bean said. “They were ready for this conversation and to realize the importance of it. And with me being out there, I think it would be great for the other sports to follow suit. We have to introduce the conversation.

“I think it’s still very difficult for one player, one athlete, whatever sport, for them to carry this conversation. We saw that, perhaps, with Michael Sam and my job, I feel, and my goal is to create a culture of acceptance that will allow – and if that takes a little time, then so be it – at least, when that player is ready or maybe two or three players feel ready, to say, ‘You know what? I know what my organization is about. It’s about my ability to help the team win.’ When you’re dealing with team sports, you have to deal with a lot of outside factors with people who make up the character and personality of the team. But right now, I’m really proud of baseball. I think we’re doing everything we can to let every player, every employee, every stakeholder, every fan who comes through the turnstiles know that baseball stands for absolute acceptance and we’re just looking for the best athletes to help their team win.”

Davis recognizes the slow-moving route in affecting change. Nothing will happen expediently.

“I think the trouble that the rest of the world doesn’t realize is that these sports organizations are glacial," he explained. “I mean, nothing happens overnight, especially with something that is a hot-button subject. At any moment, there’s public pressure from both sides. Our world is still pretty homophobic. The NFL is wondering how to do this in a way that is respectful of all parties because you just can’t tell someone that what you’ve grown up believing your entire life is effing wrong and change your mind.

“So the NFL is doing this delicate dance of how can we start to have these conversations, expand consciousness, allow players to have an opinion, but also make our locker rooms safer for gay players so they will, at some point, feel safe enough to come out? And you also have to create a space for the players who aren’t out to move at their own pace, too.”

As the process moves on, it’s inevitable that a player coming out of the closet will make headlines. It’s still new and it’s a rarity. That might not change any time soon, either.

“I think that an incredible amount of work has been done,” Ingram said. “It’s a road and it started off as a kind of path. Then, it was a dirt road and now we’re getting there. We’re getting to a point where, if you look at the news, every couple of weeks somebody comes out. It’s happening more so than ever, so it’s a trickle and hopefully, it will build from that. But I can absolutely say that representation is the most important facet, I think, of winning equality. I think that having these athletes come out and represent is a huge step and without it, there’s no moving forward. I think there’s been a bravery that’s been exhibited in itself. You see Conner was directly affected by the people who came before him and it just seems to me that everybody kind of adds their [experience] to the equation, so it really kind of makes it a lot easier for people.”

As the ball keeps rolling, the hope for equality snowballs. It might not be today and it might not be tomorrow, but with changes in attitudes and education, it is coming.

And  Mertens has his vision of what it will look like when that moment finally arrives.

“I can’t wait for the day, though, when we’re watching the Super Bowl and a quarterback throws a game-winning touchdown and the camera pans to the crowd to his husband and not one person bats an eye,” he said. “But it’s going to be a while before that happens.”