To move forward Brian McKeever knows he must let go of the past.
That is easier said than done for the visually impaired cross-country skier who saw his dream of racing at the Winter Games shattered when coaching staff made the decision not to let him compete in an event he had qualified for.
Burying his Olympic disappointment won't be simple, but McKeever hopes winning medals at the upcoming Paralympics will help ease the hurt.
"The important thing is for it not be a distraction," McKeever said during a telephone interview from his home in Canmore, Alta., Thursday. "Whether or not I am going to take motivation from it, we will see as we come into it.
"It's still a disappointment for sure. We want to have good races. We are going to get that just from our preparation."
McKeever, 30, is legally blind with Stargardt's disease, a form of macular degeneration that affects central vision.
He made history in January by being chosen as part of Canada's cross-country ski team that would compete at the Vancouver Games. That made him the first paralympic athlete to be chosen for a Canadian Olympic team.
But the emotional high McKeever rode into the Games ended in a gut-wrenching crash when coaching staff decided to use four other skiers in the event he had qualified for, the gruelling 50-kilometre race.
The decision felt like a body blow.
"It felt like it was an end to a dream," McKeever said. "I felt like I had lost something I had been holding on to for a very long time. That was really hard emotionally, physiologically."
Devon Kershaw of Canmore finished fifth in the race, just 1.6 seconds out of a gold medal. George Grey of Rossland, B.C., was 18th; Alex Harvey of St-Ferreol-les-Neiges, Que., 22nd; and Ivan Babikov of Canmore, 33rd.
Thinking about the Olympics is like running his tongue over a sore tooth for McKeever. A good performance at the Paralympics, with his brother Robin acting as his guide, could be the best medicine.
"We are going to try and go out and lay down the best races we can," McKeever said. "We will try to be as good as we can.
"We are looking forward to getting out there and racing. That is what we do. We try not to get involved in the politics. We are athletes first. That just means our job is training and racing. I can't wait to go out there and do my job."
The Paralympic Games will be held March 12-21. The alpine skiing, cross-country and biathlon events will be held in Whistler, B.C., at the same venues that hosted the Olympics. Sledge hockey and wheelchair curling will be held in Vancouver.
Also among the 12 cross-country skiers named to Canada's Paralympic team Thursday is Colette Bourgonje of Saskatoon, Sask. McKeever and Bourgonje have won 15 Paralympic medals between them.
Bourgonje, who will be attending her sixth Winter Paralympics, won two bronze medals in Turin and a pair of silvers in the 1998 Paralympics Nagano. She competes in the sit-skiing competition.
McKeever won two gold, a silver and a bronze medal at the 2006 Turin Paralympic Games. He plans to compete in five events this year, but adding to his medal total will be a challenge.
"It's getting more competitive every year," said McKeever, who also won two gold and silver at the 2002 Salt Lake City Paralympics. "We are always out there trying to raise the bar. Everybody else is gunning for us.
"We are the one with the targets on our backs. As people start to realize what is possible, they are taking bigger and bigger steps forward. It is going to be harder and harder for Robin and I to stay ahead."
The harder winning becomes, the happier McKeever is.
"I welcome that," he said. "It's not just raising the profile of the Paralympics, but it's raising the level of Paralympic sport.
"That's what everyone wants. I'm hoping we will be as good as we were in Turin. I'm looking forward to seeing what we can do."
McKeever is battling the flu but expects to be healthy by the start of the Paralympics."I am happy it's happened now and not a week from now," he said.
His first event will be a biathlon on Saturday's opening day of competition. The sport, which combines cross-country skiing and target shooting, isn't McKeever's strongest event.
For the shooting, the visually impaired use a rifle that creates different tones when it's aimed exactly at the bulls eye target.
"The shooting just adds another dimension I am not as comfortable with," McKeever said. "I'm not as consistent. "
