2016 Weeksy Awards

Bob Weeks

TSN Senior Reporter

Follow| Archive

The wild, weird and wonderful are highlighted in the 2016 Weeksy Awards.

Succinct Answer Award: When asked how his Ryder Cup experience had been, Danny Willett, whose brother penned a harsh web column on American fans, summed it up with one word: ‘Sh*t.” When asked to expand, he said: “Really sh*t.”

On The Naughty List Award: A man broke into the Vernon Golf and Country Club in December twice within 24 hours, stealing bottles of booze from the bar. On both occasions, surveillance cameras showed the thief wearing a Santa hat.

Harley Hazard Award: While draining water from a hazard at a golf course in Australia, the grounds crew found more than errant golf balls. Staff at the McLeod Country GC in Queensland, Australia discovered a Harley-Davidson motorcycle. “Wouldn’t have a clue how it got there,” said the club’s manager.

I’m Pointing Right At You, Man In The Mirror Award: “The pressure started when some dumb-ass opened his mouth two years ago.” – Phil Mickelson prior to the start of the Ryder Cup, on the pressure on the Americans to win.

And Race-Walking And Hammer Throw Too Award: “No, I prefer to watch events like track and field, swimming, diving, the stuff that matters.” – Rory McIlroy, when asked if he was going to watch golf at the Olympics.

What Was Your Name Again Award: “Please join me in congratulating the 71st United States Women’s Open champion, Bethany Lang. Come on up here Bethany. Bethany?” – USGA chairperson Diana Murphy introducing Brittany Lang after her playoff victory at the U.S. Women’s Open

Me and Gretz Don’t Talk Much Science Award: “If I hang around you guys much longer, I’ll never break 100.” – Dustin Johnson after a Tuesday practice round at the Masters with science geeks Phil Mickelson and Bryson DeChambeau, who talked about the physics of putting.

Getting Goosed Award: A man in Parisppany, N.J., was charged with beating a Canada Goose to death with his golf club while playing the 18th hole at Sunset Valley GC. William Mitchell hit his tee shot near a nest and was attacked by a male goose while trying to retrieve his ball. Police charged him with killing waterfowl out of season.

Not Quite The Fountain of Youth Award: “I got called a turd yesterday, which is the first time that’s happened since I was about 12 years old, so it made me feel young again.” – Lee Westwood on the raucous crowds at the Ryder Cup.

Making Handicaps Great Again Award:  “He’s going to have to give me two shots.” – Jack Nicklaus, when told that President-elect Donald Trump reportedly has a handicap index of 2.8. The Golden Bear’s index is 3.1.

Why Let Facts Stand In The Way Award: After seeing that Colin Montgomerie had been at Trump Turnberry, then-candidate Donald Trump tweeted out: “Colin, GREAT to have you at Trump Turnberry. So proud of you and your great playing. You made winning MAJORS look easy.” Um...

I Miss, I Miss, I Miss, I Miss, I Miss, I Make Award: “I couldn’t putt with a stick. When you have snakes and stuff going up in your brain, it’s difficult.” - Ernie Els on six-putting his opening hole at the Masters.

Don’t Mess With An Angry Englishman Award: J.J. Downum attended the Valspar Championship in Tampa, Fla, and, after spending some time in the Hooters tent, took some delight in heckling Ian Poulter, at one point encouraging him to hit his tee shot in the water on a nearby par 3, which he did. The English golfer asked for the fan to be removed but he wasn’t and tweeted out that fact shortly after. Seeing the tweet later, Poulter tracked the man down, learned of his employer and sent out a tweet of his own, exposing him, which eventually led to Downum losing his job.

Now Maybe If He Made A Movie About Basketball Award: Luke Murray, assistant basketball coach at Xavier University, and son of actor Bill Murray, admitted that he’d never watched Caddyshack.

The Legend of Beef Begins Award: ''I can't wait to get back to North Mid, get hammered and see my mum and brother and see them and just celebrate." - Andrew Johnson, better known as Beef, honestly announces his celebration plans after winning the Spanish Open.

At Least The Airline Didn’t Lose Your Luggage: The father of LPGA player Ha Na Jang was criticized by some for trying to injure another South Korean player, In Gee Chun, by rolling a piece of luggage down an escalator and into Chun. Jang went on to win that week’s tournament while Chun was forced to withdraw and some saw the father’s action as a deliberate attempt to help his daughter make the South Korean Olympic team. Jang’s father claimed the out-of-control luggage was an accident.

No Slow Play Here Award: Brad Luiten, a New Zealand marathon runner, teed off at 7:40am at the Helensville Golf Club and played for the next 12 hours, setting the world record for most holes played in a day with 237. During the course of his play, he ran an estimated 100 kilometers and averaged 19 holes per hour.

We Will Have An Exorcism For Your Swing Award: “I’ve got ladies at the grocery store putting their hand on me and going, ‘Really praying for you. How are you doing?’ I’m like, ‘My dog didn’t die. I’ll be OK. I’ll survive.” – Jordan Spieth on the public reaction to his stunning loss at The Masters.

Making Golf Great Again Award: “We’ll just jump over the wall.” – Rory McIlroy on news that the World Golf Championship event held at Trump Doral was moving to Mexico.

You Should See The Dent In My Head Award: Zac Blair was disqualified from the Wells Fargo Championship for using a non-conforming club. After missing a birdie putt on the fifth, he hit himself in the head with his putter, causing the shaft to bend. He used it again to finish out the hole, only realizing after that the club was altered and therefore no longer conforming. He informed a Rules official and was DQ’ed.

A Not-So-Welcome New Member Award: In November, the Boundary Lakes Golf Course in Hampshire, England was struck by vandals, who used shovels to dig up sections of one of the course’s greens. Club officials weren’t aware of the extent of the damage however, until someone zeroed in on the property from above, using Google Earth. The vandals dug out a huge image of a penis, stretching the width of the putting surface. “When we were made aware of it, we decided the best way to correct it, without ruining the grass, was to wait for it to grow out on its own,” said the club’ head professional, Shaun Hall. "It has all been sorted now."

A Bear On A King Award: "Remember when Arnold Palmer touched your life and please don't forget why." – Jack Nicklaus at the memorial service to honour the late Arnold Pamer.

I Think Old Tom May Have Done It First Award: During a late summer outing, Open champion Henrik Stenson put the Claret Jug in a life jacket and then took it for a ride on a jet ski, recording the trip on a GoPro.

Either I’m Really Good Or We Have No Depth Award: "It's been 22 years since there have been 10 Americans that have been able to beat me so I don't know why it would stop now." – Phil Mickelson when asked if he thought he could make the 2018 Ryder Cup team.

Setting That Bar High Award: “One of my biggest goals is to try to get into the top 1,000 of the World Ranking. If I can sneak my way into the top 1,000, that’d be a great goal.” – Tiger Woods joking about his poor ranking prior to his comeback at the Hero World Challenge.

Taking This Movember Thing A Bit Too Far Award: “It looks like he’s trying to swallow a cat.” – David Feherty describing the bushy beard grown by Graham DeLaet.

Do You Know How Long It Takes To Comb A Beard Like This Award: “He spends more time in the bathroom now than I do.” – Ruby DeLaet, on the beard-grooming habits of her husband.

Long Odds For A Long Hitter Award: Brooks Koepka teed off on the drivable Par 4 fifth hole at the Ryder Cup trying to reach the green but his ball soared into the gallery. It ended up landing on top of a backpack being worn by a spectator, who turned out to be . . . the father of Thomas Pieters, Koepka’s competitor in the match.

No Wonder There’s A Hold Up On The Next Tee Award: Police were called to a golf course in Wayne, N.J., after residents complained that strippers could be seen giving lap dances during a tournament. The tournament was in support of local police charities and police and firefighters were given a discount on the reported $195 entry fee.

Golf Bullying Award: “They seem so sweet on the surface, don’t they? But they are horrible to us, really.” – Henrik Stenson, joking about the jibes he and other Swedish men got from major winners Annika Sorenstam and Anna Nordqvist about their lack of major titles before his Open Championship.

At Least I Wasn’t Kidnapped This Time Award: Robert Allenby missed the cut at the John Deere and on Friday night, reportedly went to a casino in Rock Island, Ill. According to AP, police responded to call at 2:30am outside Jumer’s Casino and charged the Australian golfer with disorderly conduct and criminal trespassing. When asked about the incident, Allenby said: “I have no idea, mate. No idea.”

I’ve Heard Can’t Stop The Feeling One Too Many Times Award: While playing in a celebrity pro-am in Lake Tahoe, Justin Timberlake was walking between a green and tee, passing fans. According to TMZ, one fan reached out and slapped the singer across the face. Timberlake looked back and said: “Why would you do that?” The fan was taken away by police and charged with disorderly conduct.

At Least One Woods Did Something Last Year Award: While his father was sidelined recovering from back surgery, Charlie Woods, son of Tiger, finished tied for second at a U.S. Kids golf tournament in the seven-year-old division, shooting 55 for nine holes.

You Should See What They Do To Caddies: Police in North Carolina put a woman in handcuffs and leg irons and charged her with child abuse after she let her 11-year-old son drive her and her husband back from the beach in a golf cart along a closed path in a golf resort. Charges were later dropped.

I Turned Things Around By Laying Off The Five-Hour Energy Award: “I've really been struggling a little bit with my golf swing.” – Jim Furyk, a day before shooting a round of 58, the lowest in PGA Tour history, at the Traveler’s Championship.

I Distinctly Said Press Before You Teed Off Award: Two men were arrested at a Springfield, N.J., after an argument led to them both pulling guns. Police said the men had been involved in an on-going dispute and it peaked when they both drew their weapons. No shots were fired but as a precaution, all golfers on the course were called back to the clubhouse.

You Know, What Any Teenager Would Do Award: “I go partying. Partying all night and come straight to the course.” – Lydia Ko, who had a one-shot lead after 54 holes, on her plans for the night before the final round of the U.S. Women’s Open.

But It Would Have Been A Great Day To Fly A Kite Award: “I hit some shots, I probably hit some 25-, 30-yard hook shots that ended up going dead straight just because of the severity of the wind. And hitting 9-irons from 90 yards and 6-irons from 120 yards.” – Brandt Snedeker, who shot 69 in 50 kph winds at the Farmers Insurance Open, which was 10 shots better than the field average. There were 23 rounds in the 80s and no other player broke 72. Snedeker ended up winning the event.

The Number Is 212-555-HAIR Award: Australian Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull was one of the first world leaders to call U.S. President-elect Donald Trump to congratulate him on his election win. He got the head start by getting PEOTUS’s cell phone number from Greg Norman, who also facilitated the call. The Great White Shark is a longtime friend of Trump.

So I Guess This Means We Can’t Play Through Award: Michael Plumlee of Dallas, Tex., was putting out on a green at the Indian Creek GC when a player in the group behind hit into them. Plumlee picked the offending ball up and threw it back at the approaching group and a confrontation occurred. Matters escalated quickly and Kevin Keo Sivilay, one of the players from the offending foursome, hit Plumlee in the back of the head with a club, knocking him to the ground where he was allegedly hit again two more times. Plumlee reportedly suffered a head injury as well as broken ribs. Sivilay was charged with aggravated assault.