Clara Hughes reveals a 1994 doping infraction, the roots of her depression, a troubled home life and how she persevered to become the first and only athlete to win multiple medals at both the summer and winter Olympics in her new book, Open Heart, Open Mind.

"It's a very deeply personal thing.  I'm putting myself out there," Hughes told TSN.ca. "Every single flaw and mistake that I made is in this book. Everything that has happened to me is in this book."

The positive test was for the drug ephedrine at the cycling world championships in Sicily. Hughes denies that she knowingly ingested a banned substance, and says she was advised to keep the news under wraps and quietly serve her three-month suspension.

"To this day I don't know how it got there. But the reality is that it was found in my system, and my federation at the time supported me and said, 'We're going to keep this in the federation,' which was within the rules at the time, 'because we believe you, you've never done anything to show that you don't have the integrity that a clean athlete would and should have and we want to protect you in this.'"

The 42-year-old chose to come forward with the drug test information on her own, despite how people might look at her. Hughes says the decision to keep things quiet bothered her during her career, and she wanted total honesty in her writing.

"I knew that I couldn't put everything else in this book and not put that in," Hughes said. "It's something that's eaten away and gnawed at me for 21 years and I feel a relief for finally getting it out there.  I've done a lot to prove my integrity and I stand by that."

In Open Heart, Open Mind, Hughes recounts many stories of dealing with her father, who was an alcoholic, and a coach who verbally abused and belittled her, leading to her suffering through both depression and eating disorders.  

Hughes has since gone on to be a mental health advocate with programs such as Bell's Let's Talk initiative and says that writing things down and talking are two things that have helped her in her battle against depression.

"It's part of the healing process. It's very different for everyone," said Hughes.  "It's sad for me to see the young person I was and the environment I was in and how confused and full of self-hatred and worthlessness I was. It's real because I read something I wrote in 1993 or 1994, thinking that if I could only be thinner, win more or be faster it's going to solve all of this confusion and disdain that's inside of me for myself.

"I think it's important for people to share. For me, I wrote this book and had the support. For someone else, talking to one person and getting it out is the most important.  For the number of people that have talked to me about their own struggles, because of what I've come out with and what I've revealed, I think it has helped people open up.  If I'm the one person someone talks to, it gets their conversation going and starts the healing process."

While the book shares the hardships Hughes suffered throughout her career, it also recounts the many successes the Winnipeg native achieved, including winning medals at the Atlanta and Sydney Summer Olympics as well as the Salt Lake City, Torino and Vancouver Winter Olympics.

It's the Vancouver Games that stand out for Hughes, where she was granted two special honours and captured the sixth and final Olympic medal of her career.

"Carrying the Canadian flag in the opening ceremony and winning a bronze medal on home ice and, more importantly, feeling so connected," said Hughes. "I had a friendship that built before those games with the Four Host First Nations and before the opening ceremonies I was gifted, from the community of the Squamish First Nations, a brushing off ceremony.  I was gifted an experience of clearing my head and my heart and that's where Open Heart, Open Mind comes from.

"I wrote that on my hand before my race because in that ceremony one of the elders told me that you can only be good when you want goodness for everyone around; when you want your competitors to be good, strong and successful."

Hughes is also happy to see positive female role models in sports continue to succeed and show that everyone can achieve greatness.

"When I think of athletes like Ronda Rousey and Serena Williams, these amazingly strong women, I think it's such a great body image for young girls to see," said Hughes. "When I think of the women's eights rowing I think I'm around a bunch of goddesses and I think it's really great to expose a strong female body."

Open Heart, Open Mind is available now and Hughes will be donating all of her proceeds from the book to various charities, including Right to Play.